An important component of relationships — Personal Power Mastery, Douglas Vermeeren

An important component of relationships

Personal Power Mastery by Douglas Vermeeren

Relationships are one of the five pillars of success. We will talk later about what that means and why they are so important. This pillar of relationships is not limited to a spouse, one of your children or even your extended family — it refers to everyone you interact with and how you are connected to them. But today I want to talk about the closer family relationships and let’s face it sometimes we don’t always feel as connected to them as we would like.

Being connected to others can sometimes be a hard thing. Even when our intentions are great and we want more connection the other person may resist and not feel the same way. Sometimes we may have even made mistakes that have hurt the other person or done something to break down trust and connection.

While this short article won’t give you all the secrets of creating a stronger relationship instantly I want to share with you one observation that has created a special connection. I can it “our secrets.”

By definition I guess you could say the “our secrets” concepts is essentially creating a bond with someone you love by simply sharing or creating experiences that belong to just you and that other person. I guess in some ways its very similar to the concept of an “inside joke.” Something only the tow of you would find funny and no one else would understand.

Having “our secret” creates a special bond because now only the two of you have something that no one else on the planet shares. Let me give you an example of an “our secret” moment. (And by the way, just my sharing it now includes you in “our secret” but don’t worry I have permission from my sons to share this one.)

When my two sons were little it was pretty easy to give out hugs and kisses and they didn’t really care what their friends thought. But as they grew a little older (somewhere are eight or nine) it became a little embarrassing for them to say “I love you dad” or give me a hug with all their friends present. They still felt the same way but they just didn’t want to do the public display anymore.

So we came up with one of our most famous secrets. We call it N M W. And funny enough even when I say goodbye to my sons today (they are now in their twenties) you will still hear us say N M W.

When we say it no one has a clue what it means. And often people will ask us if they can get in on the secret. Most of the time we change the subject and keep them out. That keeps our special connection unique and exclusive. In some ways it bonds my boys even more to me. It helps them feel that they have something special. You are about to find out what it means…

N M W means No Matter what, No matter Where, No Matter When daddy loves me. Or from them to me, No Matter What, No Matter Where, No Matter When Jordan (or Jared) loves dad.

No matter what setting we have been in or no matter who is around my boys were no longer embarrassed or shy to shy N M W to me and I to them. It was “our Secret.”

Having intimate secrets like this that have meaning only to us has been one point of significant connection between us. It is exclusively our and because of this exclusivity it has made them feel that they are uniquely special. That is a powerful form of connection.

Over the years we have carefully decided who gets to be included in that secret.

I have similar secrets with my wife and some specific secrets even with my specific children. These represent a special form of trust or a bond between us.

Special connections like these create a sense of unique value in a relationship. When people feel a special or exclusive connection they have stronger bonds.

My challenge to you is look for unique ways to connect with those you love in ways that make them feel that they are unique and in a special position with you above all others in your life. It might be to develop a few of your own “secrets.” What can you do or create to help your loved ones feel that they are special or unique in your life?